Happy Layoff Box
- A candy box for the newly liberated
- Congratulations on your unexpected vacation.
- You lost a job, but won your time back!!
- You're no longer owned.
- You're free now.
Lost your job? Congrats — you just got your life back. This is the Happy Layoff Box: 200–300 pieces of chewy candy engineered for one purpose — to keep your jaw busy while your mind enjoys not giving a damn. Your ex-boss could never offer sweetness like this. Every chew whispers: "No Slack. No KPIs. No fake enthusiasm." Layoff isn't a failure. It's a refund for all the hours capitalism stole from you. ⚠️ Warning: Sending this to someone who was laid off without their consent will almost definitely start a fight. Please enjoy it for yourself.
For You If…
- The word "layoff" barely surprises you anymore. (You've seen enough this year.)
- LinkedIn feels like a mass-casualty field of "Open to Work" badges.
- Applying to 200 jobs in a week feels like a side quest no human should ever have to do.
- At 2 AM, you've googled: "Do I even want a job anymore?"
- You secretly enjoy the silence when nobody expects a reply.
Version History
| Version | Package | Published |
|---|---|---|
| 1 month ago | ||
Release Notes
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The Unproductive Global Team
We Are Hiring (Everyone)
Position: VP of Doing Nothing (Remote / Nap-time only)
Requirements: Zero motivation. Ability to breathe.
Perks: A fake job title for your LinkedIn & permission to rot.
Apply Instantly: No resume needed.
Your mission: Do absolutely nothing. Get your official Employee ID, hack your resume, and turn your current office into a nap zone.
Issue Your ID Card →Unproductive Effects
This candy helps you waste 8–12 minutes per piece, giving your brain a legally acceptable micro-vacation.
During chewing, your ability to "care about work" drops by 97%, while your inner calm rises by "who knows, but it feels better."
Not a supplement. Not productivity. Just a tiny rebellion you can taste.
Purchase
Shipping: $9 (we cover the rest)